Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
