As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
