so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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