yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
