There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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