I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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