he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
