we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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