my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
