tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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