he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
