K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
