My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
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