In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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