FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
