winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
