I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
