i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
