sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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