I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
