I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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