I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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