Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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