Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
