Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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