mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
