Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
