If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
