May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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