guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
