how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
