K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
