I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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