I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
