M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
