when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
