we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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