Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
