Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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