I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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