God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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