just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
