I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
