Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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