My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
