I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
