Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
