Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
