The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
