Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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