so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
