Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
