i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
